Pros:
- Object oriented, quasi-functional.
- Would let me hack better XBMC.
- Useful at work.
- Cool factor.
- Antigravity.
Cons:
- I'm too lazy.
Una colección de escritos varios que reflejan mi opinión sobre temas diversos: Tecnología, cultura, política y mi propia vida.
A la pregunta de cual es la palabra mas bonita del español no contestaría "Querétaro", como lo hicieron hace poco los visitantes de la RAE. Ante esa pregunta contesto sin dudar "azahar", en particular en la pronunciación americana, donde una 'z' (/s/) muy suave sigue el flujo de las tantas aes.
"Azahar" es una palabra que me suena la España musulmana, a reyes y sultanes. Aunque esa asociación es culpa de Ruben Darío y de mi mamá. De el por escribir, y de ella por enseñarme, siendo muy niño, ese poema, inculcando de paso mi amor por las letras.
"Margarita, está linda la mar, /y el viento,/ lleva esencia sutil de azahar". Un cuento para niños que es una canción de despedida y que trae en sus primeros versos la palabra mas bonita del idioma español.
Están casi todas las mañanas en la parada del bus. Son los demás viajeros cuyas caras recuerdo: “el chino”, “la mamá”, “el indio” y por supuesto ella, “la pelirroja”. Como me pasa siempre con las suecas, no atino a descubrir su edad y podría ser cualquiera entre 15 y 30. No es que sea importante en realidad, porque lo que la hace interesante es el color de su pelo.
Las pelirrojas me recuerdan inmediatamente a Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (el perfume), y su descripción del olor perfecto de una mujer. Porque el olor perfecto venía de una pelirroja, y eso lo deja claro. Se forma entonces en mi cabeza una asociación: ese olor, el aroma perfecto que me gustaría que perfumara mi cama cada noche, es el olor del rojo.
Un día cualquiera tomo el bus de regreso a casa y al sentarme descubro que la pelirroja está ahí, a mi lado. Duerme, porque en el primer mundo la gente también duerme en el bus, y en ese momento descubro que no huele a rojo porque el rojo no tiene ningún olor.
Tengo muchas ganas de escribir una carta de las antiguas. De esas que empiezan con "Querida María". No parece ser una tarea fácil sin embargo. Las cartas de verdad no se parecen a los mensajes escritos que intercambiamos por celular o correo electrónico. Son mas parecidas a un ensayo o incluso a un cuento, donde tienes un inicio, un nudo y un desenlace. Tienes que encontrar un tema central y desarrollarlo, aunque eso no impida tener temas accesorios. De hecho los temas accesorios son necesarios, igual que el diamante de la corona necesita las piedras accesorias para brillar aún mas.
Durante mucho tiempo las cartas fueron consideradas una forma de literatura. Caían dentro del género epistolar tanto las historias escritas en forma de cartas (Frankenstein, por ejemplo) como la correspondencia de escritores famosos (las cartas a Milena de Kafka). Se ponía todo el esmero en escribir una carta, porque tal vez en el futuro alguien las leería y era bueno que contuvieran cosas interesantes de leer.
Hoy en día la epístola parece destinada a desaparecer. Ha muerto como consecuencia de las nuevas tecnologías: correo electrónico, mensajero instantáneo y SMS han convertido la comunicación escrita en algo trivial y banal. Escribimos esperando que nuestras palabras desaparezcan tan pronto como son leídas. Usamos la palabra escrita en la misma forma que usamos la palabra hablada y la tratamos de la misma forma, olvidando que aunque las palabras se las lleva el viento, los e-mails se quedan en la red, los SMS se quedan en el teléfono del receptor y los mensajes instantáneos... bueno, sabrá dios donde quedan.
Quiero escribir una carta para revelarme darle un poco de trascendencia a lo que escribo, y para tener alguna certeza sobre su destino. Aunque tal vez debería decir escribirle una carta. Porque la carta que quiero escribir tiene destinatario, que aunque no sé si leerá este blog, sé que leería cuidadosamente y guardaría la dichosa carta, aunque no sabría decir por cuanto tiempo haría lo segundo.
De momento me conformaré con imaginarme que esto mismo lo escribo en papel, lo adorno con detalles de la vida diaria y lo envío a su puerta metido en un sobre, donde ella lo recibe y lo guarda junto con todas las otras cartas que no envío.
“Once in a while we,or may be just I, have the feeling that our life would be much more better if we had a second chance, in we where able to ‘cheat’ in some way. To live our lives again knowing the stuff we know today. Well, my darling, I must confess I cheated.”
Is not that Jane was not used to James strange behavior, but that kind of confession was totally incomprehensible. So she said the only thing she could say: “what are you talking about?”.
James and Jane met in a concert. James was the leading voice of a not-so-famous rock band. He was happy with that, he earned enough money, and was well known, but not enough to be the target of paparazzi or hearth magazines. Also the concerts were much more enjoyable, as he could interact closer to the public without being at physical risk.
- I had a previous life before this one, said James. – I was a not so good musician, and we were not together there. We met at college, and the love for music bound us together. Not a very strong bound, otherwise we wouldn’t lose track for such a long time. It was partially my fault, I had a crush for you, but never felt secure about hitting on you. Finally, the graduation day, just before it was time to get into the auditorium I told you something stupid: “I wouldn’t mind being more that your friend.” I said it with a big smile, half kidding. But you knew me well and your eyes told me you knew I was serious. You didn’t say a word that day, neither did for the next 10 years.
- You know? – he continues – I was going to ask you if you remembered the day we met again, sometimes I can’t help asking about stuff you won’t remember. We met again in a seminar so boring that I fell sleep. Being awake by you was a mix of surprise and embarrassment. Surprise because I didn’t expect to see you again, and embarrassment because of your shameless laugh at me. A short update on our lives told me that you had just dumped the poor John. 14 years together and you suddenly realized it was a waste of time. It looked like you were doing quite well, if you were in pain you didn’t show it.
“We leaved the place together and went for a coffee, then a beer, and then my place. It was a perfect night and seemed like a good chance to start again. You opened your hearth and told me how the poor John was not so poor, how he broke your hearth. May be it was not the end I expected for the night, but at least you were by my side when the sun rose again in the morning.
“It looked like a good new beginning. I didn’t have a crush anymore, I was in love and put my whole life in it, but you didn’t choose me. You picked somebody else. You didn’t love him, but you picked him anyway. I was a coward, and felt unable to go ahead just by myself. So I took a gun, and shoot myself. Then I woke up, as a kid, in my first day of school again. It was hard to manage because I was confused, the world seemed exactly as I remembered, and I wasn’t even sure about the reality of it. I was struggling to make sense of what I was living, but failing totally. After some time I realized I couldn’t fly, neither teleport myself or do any typical dreaming thing.
So I gave up, I assumed it was real and started cheating. I could do the test much faster than my mates, so I did. I started earlier with the singing lessons and I became a surprise to my teachers (”oh, he learns so fast!”). I created the band, and made myself popular, and used my new situation to date the girls I liked in school but always rejected me. But even if my life looked like perfect, I always thought about you. I missed you all the time.
When I was invited to the concert we met, I was so happy. I knew I was going to met you that day. I knew you were going to win the tickets in the local radio. And I was going to…”
- Did you really know? – Asked Jane interrupting the long monologue.
- Of course I did. I know a lot of stuff you haven’t tell me. I know the cracking wood sounds in your old house made you nervous. I know you cheated on the radio contest to win the tickets, but you are too ashamed to tell me. I know you had an abortion when you were 14.
- Who told you!?
- You did, in another life. I thought I was having a wonderful second chance. But this morning I realized it was just a dream, that the shot may be just killed me and I’m living a strange after life, or I’m in a coma and all of this is just in my head, or I lost connection with reality and everything I have told you is just nonsense I tell to the real people. Anyway is not real…
- How can you be so sure? How do you know the ‘other life’ was real?
- Because of two things. First one is that we are together, something that wouldn’t ever happen in the real life. The second one is that dreams have some feature. Real life is full of boredom, but in dreams there is something happening all the time, may be nothing amazing, but something anyway. I’m having a great time. I have had a great time from the day I woke up as a kid again and don’t remember a single episode of boredom since. That’s why I’m sure.
There is an episode from “Alfred Hitchcock presents” named “The man from the south.” That episode presents a gabler who plays a twisted bet, he will win a convertible car if he is able to turn on his lighter 10 times in a row. If he fails he will lose his left little finger.
The thrill of the story goes around the stress before each try, and the mental game the owner of the car plays with the gambler, to convince him he should play.
When it is time for the 8th try the lighter fails, but the gambler doesn’t lose his finger because a woman appears claiming she is the real owner of the convertible, as she won it gambling. A woman without three fingers.
The story made a big impression on me when I was a child, even if I saw a Colombian re-make instead of the original one, but anyway.
There is a movie, four rooms, what makes fun of the Hitchcock story. In the last room (the penthouse) the main character (a bellhop), finds himself with a group of Hollywood artist that want to recreate the scene, and convince the bellhop to be the one who chops the finger if the gambler loses.
And the gambler loses, in the first try. Without hesitation the bellhop cuts the finger and leaves the room.
In the last few months I have been trying to make a bet on myself, failing without even beginning each time. But because I can’t tell anybody what the bet is, nobody is cutting my fingers, and I wonder if I’d do better with the ax ready to cut me.
I have nothing to say, let’s copy Rumi in the meanwhile:
Come my Master, come don’t turn away from me,
come my deceitful Moon!
Look at this forlorn and thirsty lover
come my drunken King!
You are my life, my senses, you are everything!
Be the rising Moon in my dark nights
I am thirsty for your light.
Use my hands, look through my eyes,
listen with my ears.
You are the soul of every living thing.
Come, come back dancing like the rays of the Sun
and chase away the shadows.
You are the banner of the New World
and the mind is at your feet.
Come back my love
My broken heart cannot bear more passion,
no more promises.
I’ve had enough of sleepless nights,
of my unspoken grief, of my tired wisdom.
Come my treasure, my breath of life
come and dress my wounds and be my cure.
Enough of words.
Come to me without a sound.
====
Please follow my blog in its new address http://camiloaa.wordpress.com/.